My Story
I remember it as clearly as if it had happened yesterday, walking off the stage of Heinz Hall because I could no longer lift my arms or move my fingers. Ever since I had been hit in a car accident, I had been playing the violin through progressively worsening and extremely painful symptoms in my upper body. I had continued to push through the pain, but when my arms and fingers completely shut down and would no longer move, I had no choice but to stop.
The Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra was a dream job for me, one I had diligently worked for since I was a little girl. My life had revolved around practicing, lessons, competing, music camps, going to music schools, and soloing with and playing in orchestras. In the decade that I was a member of the symphony, I toured the world and witnessed firsthand the joy our music brought to different audiences and cultures. I loved watching how our music uplifted others. Most of all, I savored the heavenly feeling of being transported to another spiritual realm through the music we played together. To me, life without the violin was not optional.
The ensuing days after walking off stage turned into years as every attempt was made to improve my symptoms. I traveled across the country for several risky surgeries from top surgeons and ended up relocating so we could be near specialized doctors and therapists. Despite doing all we could, my surgeries and treatments failed, and I was not able to return to the symphony. As I handed in my resignation letter, I literally felt like I was closing my own coffin.
My husband and I continued to search for every available treatment around the country. We found that even the most successful treatments provided fleeting relief at best. Many of my debilitating symptoms were attributed to a very painful condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, formerly known as RSD, which has no known cure.
Through these challenging times, I knew I needed to more fully trust and rely on the Lord and His timing. I also knew that I needed to act in faith and find another way to express myself through music. I began to play the piano again for short periods of time. The resulting pain and recovery time were worth it for my hungry spirit. I also felt inspired to start composing. My soul was eager to create. I could easily spend all day composing music in my head. The challenge was to find a way to notate it. After experimenting with various assistive devices, we eventually found a way for me to notate my music that I could use on a limited basis.
As I have composed, I have felt transformative feelings similar to when I was performing in the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra. My spirit feels like it can soar again. I enjoy the challenge of unearthing a piece that seems to already exist in the deep recesses of my mind. Just as writing music has been a source of peace and satisfaction for me, my hope is that, through sharing, it will be a source of joy and comfort for you.
Sarah
